No matter what state you're in, always remember one thing: "protect yourself well"; if you don't have the ability to protect yourself, seek help. Don't just swallow your anger.
Actually, quite a few friends come to me asking similar questions.
"How do I cope with colleagues constantly making things difficult for me?"
"Why does my boss criticize me in front of everyone?"
"I've been working so hard already."
When encountering such problems, I always tell them that the other person might be deliberately creating difficulties to test you and see how you respond. As long as we correct our mistakes, improve next time, and keep progressing, they might eventually change their minds. The key is that we must keep improving.
Also, this concern reflects that "we care very much about what others think", so we hope everyone thinks we're doing well, and we hope to do things with our original intentions, embracing others with kindness. Sometimes the other person may just be speaking carelessly, or perhaps they've always done things a certain way and "can't accept change" when meeting someone new—then that's their problem!"
If the other person is deliberately making things difficult, we need to learn to "protect ourselves well." There are many ways to protect yourself, which can be divided simply into two types: "speak clearly" and "endure." Some people love peace and choose to endure; others like to clarify things so both sides have no hard feelings or can understand each other's thoughts.
I think we can adjust based on the situation. Regarding endurance, if the other person is strict because they want to "do things well," and once the matter is resolved they won't have lingering emotions, then it's fine—we can "endure when we can." But in some ways, it also means we have things to correct to keep the organization running smoothly and do things well, which is also a way of protecting ourselves.
For example, before sending an email or report, we confirm it from start to finish three times, or ask colleagues and supervisors to help proofread the wording, format, etc. We make sure everything is correct before sending it to the client. Maybe this process is troublesome and time-consuming, but double-checking provides more assurance, and supervisors won't blame the person at the bottom when things go wrong. Why not?
But if it's emotionally-driven difficulty-making or "attacking the person, not the issue," we need to speak clearly and explicitly. If speaking up causes them to change, great. But if they don't, we don't necessarily have to discuss it with them directly.
In such cases, I suggest finding a neutral third party to help solve the problem. This role is usually your supervisor. If it involves gender-based harassment, you can seek help from the gender equality committee. If you're bullied by teachers or classmates at school, you should tell your parents or counseling services. Whatever the case, "find the right people" to help resolve the issue. Don't just endure silently or think they won't listen so choose not to speak. Otherwise, you're the only one who gets hurt, and no one will bear the shadows left behind for you.
Besides workplace unfair treatment, life is often full of such situations. Let me share a story from my childhood.
During my elementary school years, it was still an era when corporal punishment existed. Because my memory wasn't very good, I often forgot to bring my homework notebook or textbooks. Therefore, my teacher would be very angry. Once she told my mom that if she fined me ten dollars every day, I would remember to bring them. Later, I came to believe that "Mom and the teacher were in cahoots."
During that semester in second grade, one day I didn't want to wait for the teacher to hand out blank paper one by one, so I went to the school store and bought a ten-dollar blank test paper notebook (you know what that is...). When the teacher was about to distribute paper during class, without hesitation she slapped me across the face and took away my papers. My cheek was very hot, and I was startled.
The teacher then said without reason, "Why did you steal the class's test papers?"
I was startled and immediately said, "I bought them."
The teacher was still very angry and asked me, "Where can you buy them?"
I answered, "At the school store."
Then she still didn't give up and continued, "How much was one?"
I quietly answered, "10 dollars..." Only then did she silently return the paper to me, without even an apology.
Did you think the story ended there?
Not long after, one day I was washing my hands at the sink when the teacher came by and directly slapped me across the face, then dragged me down the steps.
Teacher: "Why didn't you roll up your sleeves when washing your hands!"
Me: "My sleeves didn't get wet..."
Then the teacher just walked away, leaving me to finish washing my hands quietly. Those two slaps happened nearly 20 years ago, and I haven't forgotten them. They left me with a very deep shadow. At the time, I became withdrawn and didn't dare speak at school. As I grew up, I became very afraid of being criticized by others, or if anyone questioned me, I would feel targeted.
At that time, I didn't tell my mom because "I thought" the teacher and mom were on the same side. Later, when I mentioned this to my mom by chance as an adult, she was very angry and asked me "why didn't you tell her," "how could the teacher bully someone like that?" It was then that I realized, many things aren't because we're wrong, we don't have to submit to tyranny, we don't have to swallow our anger, we don't have to go along with mistakes. Instead, we need to find the right people who can help you and uphold justice—not silently let your wounds heal on their own, leaving permanent scars. Even if they fade, they still exist.
So, when we do something wrong, we correct it. When we do things right but are emotionally harassed, we need to speak clearly, express our position well, defend ourselves, and protect ourselves. Don't choose to endure at any moment—it only hurts you and is not worth it at all.
