﹝Start clearing out friends who subtract value today﹞
Written by Karen
Do you ever feel that as you grow older, some friends around you haven't kept up? Not only have they stalled, they've actually regressed. The most practical way to test this is: when you share good news with them, they respond with unusual pessimism, pettiness, and cold water on your parade. They'd rather you stop progressing and block your path in life. These "subtracting friends" really should be cleared out. And you should open your "talent account" and deposit friends who can multiply your life.
Actually, excellent leaders in the industry always have connections with each other. When they collaborate, they recognize each other's values and can bring mutual value—not mutual exploitation. Many people don't know where to start, but I believe the best approach is to become a Giver yourself. Givers don't necessarily pursue mutual benefit; rather, they embody "altruism," "responsibility," and "social justice" from the inside out. Once you help others first, people notice your character and trust you. When the moment comes to help each other, it becomes a crucial turning point in your life.
Friends who've known me for a long time know that I really didn't like talking to strangers or meeting new people. First, I thought it was unnecessary; second, I had some self-doubt and didn't know how to start conversations. Breaking absolute silence depended mostly on others' external attitudes, not my own desire to chat. So I remained "conservative" but rigid. When I finally started seriously discussing my future and worldview, I suddenly realized there weren't many people around me whose thinking aligned with mine.
﹝Portable skills add value to your life﹞
Many friends don't want to face their careers and life prospects seriously after work. They lack reading habits, stop learning, prefer spending time complaining about their situation, yet never think to start changing from small things. They fail to cultivate their leverage effect and workplace fuel. This is because many people see their careers too myopically, overlooking whether they've acquired "portable skills."
To illustrate what "portable skills" means: problem-solving ability, persuasion and communication skills, task completion ability, asking for and offering help, networking and emotional intelligence. These are all crucial skills in your career, yet few people consistently improve them or deliberately cultivate and clarify the differences between them.
It wasn't until last year that I finally understood: my reluctance to interact with people came from having too narrow a mindset and a limited circle, which continuously restricted my abilities and confidence. So I decided to start clearing out friendships and hold onto those friends who multiply my life, giving them substantial investment and becoming a capable Giver.
I used to think stepping outside my comfort zone would bring anxiety and fear, even aversion. But after actually stepping out, I discovered that beyond my known world, there are so many friends whose thinking aligns with mine. That group, in their field, willing to give their "free" time, contribute expertise, pursue achievement and excellence, yet remain practical and unpretentious, pulling each other forward through growth.
﹝Joining XChange helped me find a comfortable circle of partners﹞
This was the best decision I made last year. I originally thought I'd feel out of place and uncomfortable, but many partners felt like kindred spirits—love at first sight. They understand that anxiety, so they're willing to be each other's strongest support. When you share ideas, they applaud louder than anyone; when you face opposition, they give you the strongest backing, defending your autonomy and creativity.
In every discussion, we can most efficiently work out what's best for both sides. When confusion or crossroads appear in your life, they help you evaluate pros and cons from a holistic perspective. Everyone has these "exceptional skills"—clear logic, sharp thinking, well-articulated perspectives. This is what I lacked when I was confused and lost, so I deeply cherish and appreciate it.
I discovered that this circle of partners gave me an experience: "comfort." This comfort means you don't have to pretend about your preferences and dislikes; you can freely express what you truly think, and nobody carries malice. Instead, communication flows from shared goals and the desire for better outcomes. This comfort's key is "trust"—even though we haven't known each other long, it's a sustainable, healthy relationship.
