Karen previously had a "colleague" who would greet her warmly and enthusiastically when they met, though they didn't chat much privately. Still, the relationship was okay—we'd exchange information and ask each other's opinions on things. However, recently something happened where many people misunderstood Karen. Of course, it was also my first time dealing with such a situation, and I didn't know how to handle it more smoothly, so things escalated.
After some time passed, I had another chance to run into this colleague, but the first thing she did when she saw me was turn her head and give me a cold look. I naturally "attributed" it to that incident, but that matter had absolutely nothing to do with her. She never privately asked me what happened—she only saw and heard one-sided information, then "based on other people's opinions," interpreted my behavior. This kind of person is even more despicable and two-faced than someone who directly criticizes you and expresses their true thoughts.
Only Effort for "People Who Care About You"! Distance Yourself from Fake People and Live Better
In the past, I would definitely have been very sad and tried to explain myself, because the old me was the type who wanted to prove I could do better than others, cared deeply about evaluations, and liked to meet others' expectations. However, Adler, author of The Courage to Be Disliked, said: "We're used to judging a person by their success or failure, rather than by their ability to face difficulties and overcome them." But after experiencing so many instances of "enthusiasm meeting indifference," leaving scars and a price, I've already learned to protect myself with walls of steel. This isn't about lacking empathy at all—it's about not needing to exhaust yourself trying to get "understanding" from people who don't care about you.
People who truly understand you won't easily misunderstand you. People who truly understand you will first ask about your thoughts and what happened, and even if they end up criticizing you, it's their objective choice. Therefore, we really have no need to care about those "fake" people—they're simply trying to use you to get more information. Instead, we should spend our time on "people worth caring about" and put in real effort for them, give generously, because they're the kind of people who will accept and support you regardless of whether you pay them attention or not. They'll pull you up when you're at your lowest and help you both become better people.
